Wonderful rainbow on the next last day of this year’s summer retreat.
Wonderful rainbow on the next last day of this year’s summer retreat.
I wanted to write a little bit about something that occupies of my mindspace a lot; love and relationships. I’ve briefly mentioned before, here and elsewhere, that I consider myself polyamorous. I was not aware of this term until some years ago when I found myself really loving and wanting to spend time with more than one person, and I’ve found this hard to explain to people around me, and also to the people I love. Because of course, as humans we are used to certain ways of thinking and responding to things, and all sorts of feelings arise when it comes to what could be called untraditional relationship structures, or non-monogamy. And then there is the whole communication part, and even the logistics of it; love is infinite but time and energy is not (relatively speaking), so how to distribute your time?
From my buddhist point of view, love and compassion is something we all have a capacity to feel, and is in short, the heart of spirituality. Love makes us open up and it can be shown in so many different ways, and different people bring out certain positive qualities in us that we should cultivate for the benefit of others around us. But this is easy to forget, especially when it comes to close/intimate relationships; we trigger each other, we feel jealous, we want them to feel like they owe us something, we blame and forget to treat them –who has chosen to spend their precious time with us- with the respect they deserve. Basically, it brings all the things we don’t want to deal with to the surface, but it can also be seen as a good opportunity to deal with it, to grow. (Of course, here I am not talking about staying in an abusive relationship, for example, but about facing our insecurities).
I believe there is a love that connects all of us, one that can be felt by simply tuning into the feeling of your own heart (i.e. in meditation). But I also believe there is many different love dynamics, be it romantic, platonic or sexual – or a mix, and it largely depends on the two people involved, how they make each other feel and how their personalities go together. Also, if they are both polyamorous, or one is monogomous. All relationships are unique, and it seems a bit foolish to think that there is only one way to have an intimate relationship, and that there should only be one at a time (although I 100% respect other people’s wish for monogomous relationships too). It may take extra work having multiple relationships going on parallel, but to me, it feels even worse having to hide my emotions, and to choose one person over another. I don’t think one should run after each and every desire/attraction that comes along; that would only be destructive for everyone involved – I am talking about being able to spend time with those you are in love with and those you feel committed to. This life is brief, and like a dream it can stop at any moment. It’s imporant to find time to show love and affection while we can. But like I said in the beginning, time can be an issue, and sometimes one just has to prioritize some things more than others. I admit, this is not my strong side. But I am working on it 🙂
is key. I’ve always been introverted, and find it hard sometimes to talk about stuff that is on my mind. I tend to just keep it in and have long conversations to myself instead, haha. Or to my cats…. This is not so favorable when it comes to polyamory, but I feel I have found a way that works for me to still get my points and feelings across: I write. It may not be super romantic, but I write it in an e-mail, on facebook message or simply as a letter and give it to the person I wish to say something to. I feel like expressing myself through writing is much easier; you get time to think and reflect, and get the words down “right”. I wish I was better at communicating verbally, I would love nothing more than hold the hands of a person I love and tell them all about what’s going on inside. This is something I am working on. But as long as the message gets across, I guess that’s the most important.
I am still fairly new to poly, but it seems there is no doubt that communication is important. I mean, it’s certainly important in all relationships, but more so maybe in poly ones because there is more people and thus more feelings involved. At the same time, I think it’s imporant to respect what the other person wishes and don’t wishes to know about for example your other partners, or trivial details that have no real relevance to your dynamic. I for one, don’t want to know about my partner’s casual hook-ups. All I ask for is that they are careful not to get sick and to practice safe sex. I only wish to know if they have fallen in love with someone new and/or have started dating someone romantically or otherwise longterm/feel committed to someone else, as this may have some impact on my time with them. And of course, if they are thinking about children in the near future (gosh, am I that age already?).
A friend of mine asked me how my “love life was going”, and I said I was having some open loving relationships at that moment. His response was: “Oh, so no committment?” This triggered something in me, I felt like that was a weird, but also not surprising response. I feel very committed to the people I love. Committment to me is not having sex with one person for the rest of my life. Committment to me is committing my time and energy to someone I like, to show them trust and respect, sharing special moments together and letting them know how I feel about them. To travel places and to eat meals together. To cook, shower and read together. Doing everyday stuff, together. Making plans. I have been in two longterm monogomous relationships in my life before, and the level of committment I feel is still the same, even if it’s non-monogomous. Crazy, huh?! 😉
I get jealous. Of course I do. I am still human 🙂 I compare and compete, I make myself feel small and sometimes think that I am not good enough as I am, be it physically or otherwise. Feeling inadequate. But I also feel it is my “job” to tackle strong negative emotions like jealousy through practicing meditation and taking resposibility for my own mind, my own emotions. I do find it hard though, emotions can be very overwhelming. Also something I am working on. Jealousy is such a strong and common emotion, and it can really do damage in intimate relationships, so if a partner feel extreme jealousy, I try to not be the douche who points a finger and says “that’s your stuff to handle, deal with it”. Because it’s not that easy.. There are often ways to work through it together.
I know in my heart I will always be polyamorous, just as I know in my heart that I am bisexual. Polyamory also feels like the only way for me to feel both committed to loving relationships and still date both sexes. This is not something I am doing at the moment, but definitely a wish I have for myself in the future, at the same time as I feel very satisfied with what I have now. I also find myself in a strange feeling of wanting a family. I mean, like kids. (Can’t believe I wrote that!) Either I am just feeling super clucky (and have done for some time now), or I am actually getting to a stage in my life where it feels right to do within the next years. All I really wish for my future is to make my relationships work well, but also attend to my personal dreams. If they go hand-in-hand, that’s amazing.
Monica Olivia, last day of August 2018 ❤
Hallo der nede! 👋 Foto fra flytur over Norge et sted 🌏 Blir aldri lei av å se fjell, og det er ikke ofte jeg får sett de fra denne vinkelen. Fy søren, så fint!⛰
Photographer: Agnetha Mortensen (@dirtydaypictures)
Photo edit by me 🙂
Photography by Agnetha Mortensen (@dirtydaypictures)
Photo edit by me 🙂
The neon top was a lucky thrift store find here in Tromsø, and my awesome vintage 70’s panties was another lucky thrift store find in Finland last year.
Six years ago a lovely friend of mine took some photos of me in Bukta in Troms, and last week at the Bukta festival I randomly met her again while picking trash 😛 We decided to meet up for another photoshoot, and so we did yesterday! We tried many different looks, this one might be my favorite. Raincoat, bra and latex skirt. Perfect summer outfit :’D (Not, it was so warm, it felt like I was wearing a portable sauna!)
You can check out her instagram here!
Photo edit by me
Jammen ble det en liten tur til Bukta også. Men helt ærlig, er jeg glad festivalstyret er over, jeg er utslitt, haha. Hadde det dog kjempekoselig, været var varmt til tross for litt regn og torden, og musikken var også helt innafor.
“A merchant crossing a forest infested with thieves would keep a weapon ready to hand. A traveler passing through a country ravaged by plague would take with him an assortment of medicines. In the same way, living as you do under the constant threat of emotions like anger, desire, pride, jealousy and many others, you should always be ready to fight them off with the appropriate antidotes. Constant vigilance is the mark of a sincere practitioner. You may know how to practice when everything is going well, but that is of little use if you succumb to the first emotion that hits you.
Good practitioners can be recognized by their response to difficult situations liable to provoke latent emotions. Those capable of reacting immediately with the correct antidote will have no problem overcoming obstacles.
In particular, if they know how to transcend the concepts of subject and object, all their thoughts will liberate themselves, like a snake wriggling out of the knots tied in its own body, without effort or help. When you trace all thoughts and concepts back to their very source, you will recognize that they all have the same true nature – emptiness inseparable from transcendent wisdom.”
~ Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Noen blinkskudd fra årets Riddu Riddu-festival i Manndalen! Herrefred, kor æ kosa mæ 😀 Topp fem mest minneverdige øyeblikk fra festivalen:
1. Tyva Kyzy – et tuvansk strupesanggruppe. Fikk sett de hele 3 ganga; en intimkonsert i en yurta, en gang på hovedscenen og enda en gang under frivilligfesten.
2. DJ Shub + Classic Roots, de spilte på fredagen (sjanger: pow wow dub). Du kan sjekke ut en av de beste sangene her.
3. Møte med andre urkulturer.
4. Koselige stunder rundt bål.
5. Alle de vakre koftene som var å se.
Vakre Karlsøya i Troms på en veldig velkommen varm junidag, etter flere uker med kaldt og vått vær.
Oransje og blå er muligens min favoritt komplimentærfargekombinasjon, og jeg har lenge lurt på hva jeg skal sy ut av denne bordduken jeg aldri har brukt. Så da ble det til en enkel og fin – og veldig sommerlig tøyveske med gullknapper som dekorasjon på hver side. Kjempefornøyd med resultatet, har brukt den så og si hver dag siden jeg lagde den. Har stoff nok til å lage én til, så om noen er interessert, let me know! 😀
“If you know the way, light it for others.”
Bedre sent enn aldri; noen bilder fra en fantastisk fin vårdag i Brensholmen utenfor Tromsø 🙂
Jeg elsker å sy klær, og tenker stadig på nye design som jeg vil prøve å lage, både fra scratch, men også av klær jeg allerede eier og vil re-designe. Problemet har bare vært dette med å finne nok tid og energi til å faktisk få det gjort. Men dette neste prosjektet jeg nå skal begynne på, betyr såpass mye for meg og bare tanken på å starte gjør meg glad! Så jeg har all tro på at det kommer til å bli bra og at jeg blir å både ha det gøy og få utfordre meg ‘litt’… Det blir et nokså stort prosjekt, faktisk det største syprosjektet jeg noen gang har begitt meg ut på. Jeg skal nemlig endelig sy min egen gákti! Altså samekofte😊 Jeg har aldri eid hverken bunad eller gákti, så gleder meg veldig til å endelig kunne stolt gå med min helt egen håndsydde (Loppa/Alta)kofte, som ikke bare vil være et symbol på min tilhørighet til mine samiske røtter, men også en veldig personlig og skreddersydd kreasjon, da jeg også blir å blande inn andre elementer som betyr noe for meg.
Jeg driver å bestiller materialer jeg trenger for å komme i gang, men sliter litt med å finne ut hvilken hovedfarge jeg skal gå for. Jeg tror det står mellom kongeblå, vinrød eller mørkegrønn, men da jeg sjekka ut hvilken andre farger som også er mulig, ble det nesten for mye å velge mellom 😂 Har alltid tenkt at blå er finest og det er jo favorittfargen, men er litt i tvil nå. Vi får se hva jeg lander på!
(Bilder fra google)
Anyway.. jeg satt å snek litt rundt på Etsy.com etter tilbehør, og kom over denne gamle vintage beltespennen fra Tibet som jeg bare måtte bestille. Som sagt ønsker jeg å blande inn litt andre elementer, da spesielt buddhistiske og muligens viking-inspirerte symboler.
Jeg skal ikke si med hundre prosent sikkerhet at det faktisk er en beltespenne, men det er iallfall det jeg skal bruke den til. Den er formet som en vajra (betyr diamant på sanskrit), og har både blå og røde perler som pynt – noe jeg syns er veldig fascinerende; hvordan de nøyaktig samme fargene ofte går igjen i forskjellige kulturer, da spesielt blå, rød, gul og grønn.
Planen var å få ferdig dette prosjektet til årets Riddu Riddu-festival, men det ser ut til at det var litt vel ambisiøst.. Plutselig er vi én uke uti juli, og festivalen starter om 3 dager! Så da er den nye planen å få den ferdig til 6. februar 😉
“A thorough, experiential understanding of emptiness is the only antidote to the belief in an “I,” in a truly existing self. Once you recognize emptiness, all your attachment to such a self will vanish without a trace. Realization will blaze forth like a brilliant sun rising in the sky, transforming darkness into light. At first, until you actually recognize emptiness, you have to gain an understanding of it through deep and careful reflection on the teacher’s pith instructions. Then, when you first recognize it, your experience of emptiness will not be stable. To improve it, blend meditation and postmeditation periods. Try not to fall back into ordinary delusion, but to maintain the view of emptiness in all your daily activities. Meditation and the path of action will mutually enhance each other. Finally, you may reach a point where there is no difference between meditation and postmeditation, a point at which you no longer ever depart from emptiness. This is called the realization of great sameness. Within that great sameness, compassion for all beings will arise spontaneously—for the more you realize emptiness, the less there will be any impediment to the arising of compassion.” – Dilgo K. Rinpoche, excerpt from Heart of Compassion
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu
Had a very fun, lively and creative photoshoot with my good friend David González (Buendia photography) in his studio in Tromsø city. I have made the clothes myself 😀 The green string bag is made of photography printed fabric, picture was taken close to where i grew up 🙂 Feel free to contact if you would like to purchase one yourself, or are interested in any of the clothes as well.
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief,
turning down through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins,
thrown by those who wished for something else.
– Poem by David Whyte
Bought a stack of linen canvas papers to practice on. This is first try 🙂 A little yogin on a mountain top. Acrylic paint.
“Deep in the wild mountains
Is a strange market place, where you can trade
The hassle and noise of everyday life
For eternal Light”
“Kom, mai, du skjønne, milde,
gjør skogen atter grønn,
og la ved bekk og kilde
fiolen blomstre skjønn!
Hvor ville jeg dog gjerne
at jeg igjen deg så!
Akk, kjære mai,
hvor gjerne gad jeg i marken gå!”
Perspektivet museum har de siste månedene hatt en fantastisk fin postkortutstilling med samiske motiv (samlet av Alan Borvos mellom slutten av 1800-tallet og til midten av 1900-tallet), og nå nylig hadde de et foredrag om nettopp denne utstillingen, samt at man kunne få lov å prøve monotypi (maleteknikk). Sykt morsom teknikk, absolutt noe jeg blir å prøve hjemme selv!
Tok noen bilder av utstillingen med mobilen. Så mange fine postkort/fotografi!
Monotypi: legg en glassplate over et motiv (postkort, foto etc.), mal på glassplaten etter motivet og deretter ta et avtrykk av glassplaten med papir. Voila!
Likte litt at hun ble ansiktsløs (da jeg ikke er noe flink å male ansikt), føler det representerer på en måte den undertrykkelsen og anonymiseringen av urfolk som har vært – og enda er, til en viss grad. Når man ser på henne (min versjon til høyre), kunne det nesten vært “hvilken som helst” urkvinne.
Thunder, lightning, and the southern clouds, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the sky itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the sky itself.
Rainbows, mist, and fog, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the earth itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the earth itself.
Forests, flowers, and leaves, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the mountain itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the mountain itself.
Rivers, bubbles, and waves, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the ocean itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the ocean itself.
Habitual tendencies, clinging, and fixation, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the All-Ground itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the All-Ground itself.
Natural awareness, natural lucidity, and natural liberation, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the nature of mind itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the nature of mind itself.
The birthless, the deathless, and the expressionless, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the nature of things itself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the nature of things itself.
The appearance as demons, the apprehension as demons, and the conceptualizing as demons, these three,
Although they arise, they arise from the Yogi himself;
Although they dissolve, they dissolve into the Yogi himself.
Tara 💎 ‘She who liberates’
‘She is considered to be the deity of universal compassion who represents virtuous and enlightened activity; a female bodhisattva.
The word Tara itself is derived from the root ‘tri’ (to cross), hence the implied meaning: ‘the one who enables living beings to cross the Ocean of Existence and Suffering’. Her compassion for living beings, her desire to save them from suffering, is said to be even stronger than a mother’s love for her children.
The story of Tara’s origin, according to the Tara Tantra, recounts that aeons ago she was born as a king’s daughter. A compassionate princess, she regularly gave offerings and prayers to the ordained monks and nuns. She thus developed great merit, and the monks told her that, because of her spiritual attainments, they would pray that she be reborn as a man and spread Buddhist teachings. She responded that there was no male and no female, that nothing existed in reality, and that she wished to remain in female form to serve other beings until everyone reached enlightenment, hence implying the shortfall in the monk’s knowledge in presuming only male preachers for the Buddhist religion. Thus Tara might be considered one of the earliest feminists.’
“Sometimes a broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic, sometimes anger, resentment and blame. But under the hardness of that armour, there is the tenderness of genuine sadness. This is our link with all those who have ever loved. This genuine heart of sadness can teach us great compassion. It can humble us when we are arrogant and soften us when we are unkind. It awakens us when we prefer to sleep and pierces through our indifferences. This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when we accept fully can be shared with all.”
Påska har så langt vært ganske chill for min del, har stort sett vært hjemme å slappa av, lada opp. Spist godteri. Tatt tvangs-selfies med kattene. Prøvd meg på litt hjernetrim i form av kryssord. Blitt sint fordi jeg ikke er noe flink på kryssord. Drukket litt for mye kaffe, og hørt veldig mye på Lord Huron. Legger ved en fin sang av dem! Ser ikke ut til at det blir så mye skitur eller sol i år, da vi har snødd ned her oppi nord, men håper alle har en nydelig påske læll ❤
Some books I 1) have read and loved, 2) plan to read and 3) am currently reading 🙂
* Stones to Shatter the Stainless mirror: The fearless teachings of Tilopa to Naropa:
Excerpt from the book: “…I suppose that is the secret and the point of this Vision. In every situation, there is the relative view; where there are others and a world to serve with loving-kindness, compassion and generosity. And there is also the Ultimate view; where there are no others and no world. Only the mind of clear light, manifesting in the various illusions.”
This book really hit home for me; it’s easy to read, is filled with wisdom but also some funny parts that I could recognize from my own path. It’s written in a way that shows Naropa’s own point of view and the hardships he went through to humble himself enough to receive the teachings of Tilopa. Also, there are some direct “pointers to the moon” by Tilopa at the very end of the book.
* The Life of Milarepa
“It presents a quest for purification and buddhahood in a single lifetime, tracing the path of a great sinner who became a great saint. It is also a powerfully evocative narrative, full of magic, miracles, suspense, and humor, while reflecting the religious and social life of medieval Tibet.”
I have heard this book three times on audio, and it actually only gets better each time. The words are collected and written down by Tsangnyön Heruka (“The madman Heruka from Tsang”), and tells the story of Milarepa‘s physical and spiritual journey towards enlightenment. It’s written in quite a humorous way, I think, and has been very inspirational for me. Actually planning on hearing/reading it again very soon!
* White Lotus: An explanation of the Seven Line prayer to Guru Padmasambhava
“Mipham Rinpoche’s famous explanation of the Seven Line Prayer to Guru Rinpoche. In this remarkable text the author explains the Seven Line Prayer in the context and application of the main practices of the Nyingma school, including Trekchö and Tögal in an exceptionally clear and accessible manner. ”
Actually found this book as a free pdf file HERE!
* Lady of the Lotus-born: The life and Enlightenment of Yeshe Tsogyal
“This classical text is not only a biography but also an inspiring example of how the Buddha’s teaching can be put into practice. Lady of the Lotus-Born interweaves profound Buddhist teachings with a colorful narrative that includes episodes of adventure, court intrigue, and personal searching.”
I ordered this book from Amazon about a week ago; patiently waiting for it to drop into my mail box! I have been fascinated by, and feel very close to, Yeshe Tsogyal for the last 6 months or so, so am very excited to start reading this book. I normally order books to my Kindle app, but there is something very nice about having the book physically in your hands too 🙂 Especially if you are in a coffee shop reading, which I often do.
* Sky Dancer: The secret life and songs of the Lady Yeshe Tsogyal
Another book on Yeshe Tsogyal. Not much on this book when I google it, but still seems worth reading and easy to order for my Kindle app. The cover shows a picture of Vajrayogini/Naljorma – one of Yeshe Tsogyal’s aspects.
* The Life of Longchenpa: The Omniscient Dharma King of the Vast Expanse
“Compiled from numerous Tibetan and Bhutanese sources, including Longchenpa’s autobiography and stories of his previous lives and subsequent rebirths, The Life of Longchenpa weaves an inspiring and captivating tale of wonder and magic, of extraordinary visions and spiritual insight, set in the kingdoms of fourteenth-century Tibet and Bhutan. It also reveals for the first time fascinating details of his ten years of self-exile in Bhutan, stories that were unknown to his Tibetan biographers.”
Since I loved The Life of Milarepa so much, I have been looking for more biographies on spiritual teachers to read, and stumbled upon this one on Longchenpa, a teacher from the Nyingma lineage. These kinds of biographies seems to be very inspiring and motivational for my own path, and I just generally enjoy reading about other people’s path, and the way they deal with hardships and challenges. Still have not ordered this one, but it’s on my list!
* The Heart of Compassion: The thirty seven verses on the Practice of a Bodhisattva
“What would be the practical implications of caring more about others than about yourself? This is the radical theme of this extraordinary set of instructions, a training manual composed in the fourteenth century by the Buddhist hermit Ngulchu Thogme, here explained in detail by one of the great Tibetan Buddhist masters of the twentieth century, Dilgo Khyentse.”
Only just started on this one, think I am on page 4. I have been meaning to read Dilgo Khyentse’s autobiography Brilliant Moon for some time, but then I stumbled upon this book instead and will finish this before I start on the other. Dilgo Khyentse is by far one of the most inspirational buddhist teachers I know of, so looking forward to see if I like this text.
* Wild Ivy: The spiritual autobiography of Zen Master Hakuin
“Hakuin Zenji (1689-1769) is a towering figure in Japanese Zen. A fiery and dynamic teacher and renowned artist, he reformed the Zen Rinzai tradition, which had fallen into stagnation and decline in his time, revitalizing it and ensuring its survival even to our own day. Hakuin emphasized the importance of zazen, or sitting meditation, and is also known for his skillful use of koans as a means to insight.”
I am, unfortunately, a very slow reader and have spent a few months on this book, but I really do like it and plan on finishing it. It’s filled with personal accounts of Hakuin and also some lovely calligraphy paintings.
* More than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory
As the title implies, this is a book about polyamory. As a person who is relatively new to this kind of relationship structure, I thought I could use some pointers. Only read the introduction so far, but it seems promising.
If you have any books to recommend, please do not hesitate to comment or link it to me 😀
Litt bilder fra de siste ukene. Ramfjord, Ersfjord, Storelva og Lyfjord 🙂 Jeg har til og med vært på skitur; tre ganger! For første gang på fem år. Selv om det tar all energien jeg har, og krever mye planlegging både før og etter, så føles det verdt det å komme seg ut og bruke kroppen. Jeg elsker jo å være utendørs, skulle virkelig ønske jeg kunne gjøre slike ting oftere, ja – faen heller, hele tiden! Springe på fjellet, gå lange skiturer, klatre på berg og i trær..:) Naturen, ass.
Januar er favorittmåneden. Dagene blir fort lysere, og sola “kommer tilbake”. Alt ser friskt og nytt ut når det er så mye snø, og selv om det er veldig kaldt, fins det varme rundt meg. I folks hjem, i bilen, fra stearinlys, i musikk, fra dyr, i relasjoner, under dyna. Ja, også har jeg bursdag i januar. Det er alltid stas 🙂
I am definitely not gonna write a “new year, new me” post, because I am really not trying to improve myself. If anything, I am trying to dissolve what is left of “me”-identity 😀 I am not going to say “2018 will be the best year” either because the last two times I did that, the year proved to be the absolute worst/hardest, haha. Not gonna jinx it this time!
The new year has started off with a very bad flu + migraines + something called laryngitis (constant couching and loss of voice). Luckily, people rarely call me, so good old texting is in order! I hope I get better fast, tho, because I have some couchsurfing hosting to attend to, and also there is the TIFF (Tromsø International Film Festival) coming up. Plus some concerts…and parties…ah, how will I find the energy to do all this 🙂
I do, however, want to say that I wish the new year will be even more creative and that I will find more motivation for my art. Doubt and low energy has been big for me these last months and it has affected me a lot. I also wish that I will develop and find meaningful connections and adventures this year. I don’t believe it is good for anyone to be too much alone or isolated, even if you have chronic illness or social anxiety or whatever reason. I have been in a place where being around people have been *impossible*. So I am so grateful that is not the case anymore, and lately Couchsurfing has been kind of a lifesaver in that regard. I don’t have a job or go to school, so meeting new people this way is really nice. I still love my own space, but balance is always key 🙂
Last year, in January, I started a crowdfunding for a medical treatment (rehabilitation) in the Dead Sea, next to Jordan and Israel.. I have not received enough funds to go there yet, but if I do within the next 8 months, it is very possible I will go. Other than that, the year is pretty much open to whatever happens. Not gonna plan too much.
Happy new year, folks 🙂
“Dunes/texture” 18 x 24 cm, acrylic on canvas board. Trying out different stroke techniques; I think this one made it look very alive and “flowy” 🙂
Oh, and here’s an amazing song by an incredible woman you don’t want to miss!
Wishing everyone a happy new year! My new year has started off with lyrangitis (constant couching and loss of voice), and what seems to be a chronic headache. According to the good old internet, I’ll be fine within a fortnight, and that the cause of this might be “loud singing” or “too much alcohol”…well, I did have a fun Christmas, but how can one have too much fun?
Wishing every one of you a peaceful and humble end of 2017. May the new year be a year where we share more kindness, empathy and practice compassion for each other. -Wow, that sounded like a cliché. But I mean it 🙂
Today is vintersolverv, the shortest day of the year – the sun “turns” and it’s only one month left of the polar night.
For me, 2017 has been a year with so many ups and downs, I don’t even know where to start. But it has also been filled with much love, romance, friendship, good memories, creativity and I have learned a lot about what I want for myself – but not in a selfish way. I have just come more in touch with my own wishes for my life, and where I want to go from here.
What are your best memories from this year? 🙂
I’ve always valued close human interactions. As a kid I was pretty much hanging out with friends every day. Playing outside a lot, having sleepovers, going to cinema, doing shenanigans around the neighborhood.. Kid stuff, you know 🙂 I have been very lucky in that sense, always having friends and someone to turn to if needed. And I have always enjoyed being a friend: someone you can rely on and someone who listens. Being a friend feels meaningful. And if we can share silence too, even better!
As I have grown older, some friendships have either ended or we just don’t have much contact anymore. But when we do meet, it is as if we never parted. These kinds of friendships are very special, I think. Time can pass and your lives are hectic, and different paths have been chosen, but still the bond of friendship is there. Also, having long distance friendships allows you to send postcards – I love sending postcards!
Now that I am not a kid anymore – alas!, finding new friends have been kind of hard. Like, how do you find new friends as an adult? You can’t just ask like you could when you were 7. And the period of my life when I was bedridden did not exactly make it better. Being 21-22 and bedridden was like really, really wanting to go to a party, but not being allowed to. That feeling. Luckily, I feel better in my health and have been forcing myself to be more social the last year or so. Kind of catching up for the “time lost”. Because I do love being around people, it just takes a lot of energy sometimes. I have 3-4 people in my life now that I value so much, I don’t even have words for it. Some of these relationships are romantic also, some are pure friendships. I guess they are whatever feels right and natural. One of them is long distance romance, and even though this is hard sometimes (missing each other and not being able to visit often) – it feels worth it. He feels worth it. Another is a deep connection of love, friendship, spiritual companionship and almost a decade of time spent together, and sometimes apart. And one of them is such a fun and adventurous friendship, it’s never a dull moment.
Whether the relationships are platonic, romantic or whatever, I value all of them equally.
The last year has also been a journey for me finding out I am polyamorous. It was like finding out I am bisexual – which I did many years ago. Lots of failing/learning, back and forth and some hurt feelings for me to find this out, but now I feel like I can be myself 100% and that is pretty much one of the best feelings in the world.
“Friendship and romance are not ranks, tiers, or levels. They are not above or below each other. Romance is not a promotion. Friendship is not a demotion. Romance is not “more than” being friends with someone. Friendship and romance are concepts that exist on equal terms, side by side. Sometimes they happen to coincide. Other times they never intersect at all. How relationships are classified is only up to the individuals involved but neither is inherently more or less valuable than the other.” – Unknown